just shut it.

some people shouldn't punctuate their thoughts with a contradicting thought. it just makes you look stupid.

plentiful of nothings

who wants to accompany me to western for an orientation thing for optometry? noooot me!

i feel so tired and drained. help me.

im lame

the bite in between my brows is interfering with my sight. i look like a cat. sexy. i know.

plentiful of nothings

i woke this morning and discovered 5 mosquito bites. who the hell left the window open? one between the brows, left wrist, upper right forearm, right side knee, right ankle. good lord. im a walking itch fest.

weekend was kinda cool. poker friday night. movie hopped on saturday saw stepbrothers and xfiles; surprisingly good, dinner at jasmine thai (amaaaazinggg), then ended the night with poker again. went to a local bbq on sunday. played some volleyball and attempted football in the pool then died while trying to watch the bank job.

felt like death this morning. felt like death at the gym so i slept when i got home.

my niece came home from taiwan. she only speaks taiwanese now. haha funny stuff. <33
ALRIGHT. off to get some phoooooooooooo later.

im playing poker tonight. i suck. but its cheap entertainment.

yesterday i had an ice cream sandwich. talk about being delicious. my stomach doesn't handle dairy products very well. gassy the entire night. i'll just stick to yogurt. thanks.

double nothing

what a stupendously productive day. i scratched off half of my to do list. i haven't been frivolously spending. knock on wood. he went and got his iphone and ran in to Lo from the hills/laguna beach. he sent me a picture with her. i was like HEY! that girl looks familiar!

im so sore. i love it.

im not over the fact that my roommat'es gf is so ugly. he's ugly too. but im just saying.

im brainstorming ideas of how to increase the value of my nonexistent net assets.

wednesdays > tuesdays

another nothing

i was playing with the iphone yesterday. probably one of the best toys i've played with. mine should be coming sometime next week, hopefully. peanuts make me fart. its terrible i know. its weird when your mom starts talking to you about her sex life. don't worry i didn't let her continue. i raised my hand motioning her to stop. she laughed and said: well i thought we were all adults here. yes we are but i don't want to hear your stories. mom also wondered why she had big knockers but none of her kids does. she told christine that one. maybe it skipped a generation. but i wondered about that phenomenon too.

i was stretching yesterday. i saw where all of my stretch marks were hiding. sneaky bitches.

my alarm threw me out of bed. the alarm said GO WORKOUT FATTY. i just snoozed it.

i hate tuesdays.

another nothing

i weighed myself today. the numbers read the same. not even a slight loss. how disappointing.

the weekend was busy. saw wanted for free on friday. saturday started with lunch at fish grill then dark knight. it was one long damn movie. then poker til midnight. i wanted to see if i could get away with playing the crappiest hand. i did. suckers! sunday had lunch at jersey mikes then checked out the surf competition in hb which resulted in terrible tanlines. dinner at thien an.

i need to go to gym. i should go to gym. i will go to gym.

i can't wait until hawaii.

drained.

misc.

the gym was horrific. i've switched over to using j&j's baby lotion. i smell like baby. its the only product that doesn't leave my skin feeling and looking like a greasy slice of pepperoni pizza. i can't stop listening to An Improvisation on Canon in D by robin something. i love it. i told a friend that i don't weigh myself bc i don't like to look at the numbers. they said that was a stupid reason. at least i don't drive myself insane over a number. i simply gage my progression on the basis of my reflection and clothes bitch. im kind of hungry right now but there's nothing healthy to eat at home and im too lazy to go get something. its utterly hard to get toned abs. faaaaaak. kill me now.

why is target always always out of small white v necks? i get lucky sometimes. i don't understand this phenomenon.

life is frustrating. life is all about timing. you either get lucky or get lucked out. sometimes your window of opportunity flashes right in front of you but for whatever reason you fail to realize it. its unfortunate. i ask myself all of the time, knowing what i know now, what would i have done differently last year, 2 years, 3 years ago? everything.

i was trashing crap out of the inbox. i reread his responded email. i was kind of pissed afterwards. it just sounded like he was making excuses for what i found on his phone. then continues to say that im younger that's why he feels like he's not taken care of, that its not reciprocated etc etc etc. sorry, my fault. i have alot of faults. go find yourself a catalog wife in vietnam.

i don't meet boys online. i don't initiate conversations or message people that i don't know online. i don't text my ex dudes i miss you. i don't text "good friends" can you tell that i like you.

what a fucking breezy.

the life.

im going to go to hawaii. i cannot wait. i need to get into shape for the trip but im lazy. my roommate is annoying and loud. he has this deep voice that echoes throughout the house. he's a got a turkish accent. my sister said she stayed up one night studying and heard him having sex with the gf. im glad i wasn't subjected to such nuisances. his gf is ugly. she stole my black flip flops. it was my favorite. bitch. i realized that my last haircut was about 7 months ago, no wonder my ends are sprouting with splits. the vegetable chicken potstickers from costco are delicious but the cabbage makes the room smell like ass. its difficult to workout when you're on your period. maybe its just difficult to workout. period.

he's a sneaky one. too bad his sneakiness can't surpass mine. fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me. ass.

i had a dream that i gave birth to quintuplets. i woke up and was never more glad that it was merely a dream.

i went on a last minute trip to vegas a few weekends ago. literally last minute. i saw "O" and it was great. i want to go see wicked. christine said we should make it a sisters date night.

i hate dell with all my heart. they suck. the average lifespan of a dell laptop i'd say is 4-5 years. #*&^$%!!!!

status quo

im supposed to be working on a business plan but im taking a pseudo break. i went on a raid and really cleaned my room. its weird to find certain mementos from your past; sometimes you ask if you're still that person or if you've evolved for the better. i found a letter that i wrote to myself back in hs. i wasn't supposed to open it until sept. 30, 2011, it was for our health class. eh, i figured what the hell and opened it. i just laughed throughout the letter. how life was so simple back then yet little did i know that was as simple as it was going to get. i found old pictures of prom, graduation, senior trip at knotts, key club, old report cards, id cards, art awards from elementary where i got 1st and 3rd place ribbons. the list goes on. i sat there and wondered what happened to me. i was such a go getter, over achiever. now, im just a walking average joe schmoe that graduated with a worthless bio degree from uci. great. thanks mom and dad for investing your life savings on me. as you can see i was worth every penny.

bike riding along the beach is great. i love it. especially in the evening after the heat dies down and the cool air slowly immerses. the smell of alcohol makes me nauseous. it's my foe hours after; whether i've had alot or just a drop.

lately i've tried every bit to dodge family / social gatherings whether its mine or whoevers. i dread the question : "so what are you doing with your life now? or so what do you do? " me : "im doing a sabbatical." then i try to change the subject and run away. oh me. the even more antisocial aspect of moi. my life feels like it has plateaued. the highs and lows have eroded. flatlined. dead. i want life again.

they say ignorance is bliss. maybe, maybe not. i say its indicative to your state of indenial.

just got back from the gym. the girl at the front was really nice. she gave me another card for free.

went to sd yesterday to visit ashley. peter was there too. i never really talked to him in class but i did yesterday. he's really interesting and cool to talk to. he's confrontational. but it was fun. i could definitely see him as a lawyer.

im in love with leona lewis.

for a split second today i took myself back to last year. funny how things change.

i miss the girls alot.

why don't we both take some time to think about things. yea im sure you'll do alot of thinking with your balls in vegas.

my big toe is slowly growing back. when people say you look tired they really mean you look like crap. i still can't find my coach keychain wallet i had a bunch of gift cards in there. i feel so detached from the world as if my connections are slowly getting severed. im ready to go back to school. life outside of school kind of sucks. it has its perks but you're in the working world by yourself. the social life is different. i don't think there's much of a social life. i've discovered leona lewis. she sounds very 90's ish. i like her. mellow. but her songs are sad. i want to go see a movie but i have no idea what movies are out. actually im just waiting for sex and the city to come out.

i've been ignoring my dad's phone calls. i haven't called him back. the last time i talked to him, he was preaching how bad it was that i missed that one day of mass on sunday. i didn't even listen to his entire lecture. i just handed the phone back to my mom. the world of hypocracy. i hate it when people preach about the bible and god to you. i hate listening to those that preach the word so highly. often times i see that they are the ones that are hypocrites of their own words. i believe in a higher power. i believe in god. i just don't believe in the people who preach it. they are merely insignificant eyes taking a peek into your lives, and based on the minuscule amount that they are exposed to they formulate their own suspicions about you. people need to worry about themselves first. don't be a nosey ass looking in and tell people what they should be doing and how they should be living their lives to be sin free. disgusting. disgrace. distasteful. disappointing.

i blame my superficial insecurity disorder on her.
i've been really lazy about taking my fiber multivitamin and calcium pills.
music is my life. music is my escape. i take my mini ipod everywhere.

im not a communicator. its really hard for me to express my feelings. im always apathetic. at least i appear to be apathetic. its not a good thing. no one ever knows what im thinking. that's what im told. "i'll be ok. don't worry." that's all i say. its so hard for me. sometimes i feel something but i can't get myself to just say it. what a dumbass. speak up i tell myself. but all that comes out is long sigh. air. nothing. chances lost. opportunities passes by and im stuck. all bc i choked. i choke. the end.

so this world is all about who you know, not what you know. networking. connections. the more people you know the better. all of that venting about how much i hate optometry basically was a waste. ha. im negotiating a deal with my doctor. i'll be entering od class 2009 of scco. there you have it. final decision. ms walking indecisive hypocrite has finally made a decision.

i watched i am legend again. good movie. will smith is one buff man.

i was forced on a shopping spree today. he said not to worry and he'll do everything. he did a pretty good job i must say at picking stuff out. cute.

one life. one set of parents. second chances are rare. be nice. no regrets. none.

i was told that your password says alot about you. hm. maybe. i do recall my password was "richard" my elementary crush. man. he was cute. i think he was half italian half german. it was my password to my own account on the home computer. i remmeber my sister playing a game of "guess my passwod." little did i know that bc she had access to all of the accounts she already knew my pw. when she guessed my pw : richard, i got all red and denied it. what a bitch.

i can't find my small coach keychain wallet.

happy easter.

boston.

i had an interview in boston. i went with my mother. i had no choice.

boston. i could see myself potentially there. but i wouldn't like it. its a completely different lifestyle there. no car. t-line all the time. everything is expensive. the food is gross. i won't know a single soul. wet. extremely cold. it was 5 degrees Celsius when i was there and was considered warm to them. when it rains boy it rains all day. the school is really small. probably the size of 2.5 pslh's. it used to be a house for rich people back in the day. there's no campus for the school. china town is more like china block.

my mom talks alot. i tune her out 60% of the time. 5% of what she says is of substance and 90% is of pure jabs at me. but i wouldn't know bc i only listen to her 40% of the time right? there's so much animosity between her and i. personality conflict. she made me run an errand with her right after the airport. her mouth was ridiculous in the car. i couldn't wait to drop her off at home. i just wanted to runaway from home.

i hate optometry. i hate anything medical. bio degree = waste.

norcal is freaking cold. it felt like a 10 degree difference. im socal weak sauce. haa.

came back yesterday at around 2. my mom was happy to see me. she wanted boots. so she dragged me out shopping for her boots. we had dinner with her. saw no country for old men. as usual fell asleep. went to bed. in the middle of the night had chills followed by a fever. i was forced to call in sick in the morning. thank god i got the answering machine. the doc called me back and left a voicemail: MICHELLE. DR. D HERE. CALL ME BACK! hahaha. i didn't call him back. i don't care i want him to fire me. his wife is a psychologist. she started analyzing everything that was coming out of my mouth. I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU LADY BUT I HAVE WORK TO DO. i hate working for male doctors. they're fucking anal about stupid shit. i hate workk.

i was a grouch bc i didn't get my caffeine today. this lack of caffeine led to a series of events. one of which started with me deciding that i was going to play hooky today. i called in sick. the doc is a douche bag. i don't care that things are piling up at work. its not my fault that you had other priorities set. you didn't set up the accounts jerk ball. so he ended the conversation asking me "so when will i see you next?" monday was my answer. "fine. i can't believe that we finally have everything and you can't come in" douche bag i maybe. but i dont' give a fuck. its his fault. i decided that i needed to go shopping. i had not gone shopping in a long time. jeans! :] 2 pairs. its hard to fit my fatass into jeans. a lack of caffeine ultimately made me broke. ha.

sj tomorrow morning. i hope it'll be fun.

i realized that i get bored with things really easily. which thus led me to realize that i get bored with guys easily. its not something that you realize at that moment. which thus led me to realize that i need a versatile non mundane job. good luck ms. i don't know what the fuck im doing.

i hate cheapasses. period.

so everything is almost finalized at work for the new doc to takeover. i think its weird that he hasn't met any of the employees except for me. he wants to keep only me. he wants me to work FT and train his wife that will be there most of the time when she's not seeing her any of her own pts at her psych office. right. goodluck. i said i can only do that for the next month or two. i lied. he's anal. conservative. old fashoined. i mean c'mon who the fuck prescribes gas perms any more? who the hell wants to pay 500 bucks for yearly lenses? he says he hates soft lenses. uhm. no comment. again goodluck.

everything is up in the air right now. if i was a person outside looking in i would say "HOW EXCITING!" but i can tell you its not.

my parents are fucking complicated. they magnified everything by 10. no. make that 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.

my dad tried to be cheap. his cheapness ended up costing him probably 300 extra; good job dad.

yesterday was errand day. got the echocardiogram. got the 24 hr container. made all of my postponed dr. appts for next thurs. deposited my check finally into a starving bank account. found some interview clothes. i hate interview clothes. going on a bussiness travel next weekend. whatever that means. boston the following week. then ny. im past due my hair laser removal tx.

a lady came in and asked me to fix her glasses. she was older. 60 i want to say. she literally was breathing and talking over my shoulder in the back as i was trying to fix her glasses. the enitre time she was complaining how she can't believe we werent certified to do this. no wonder we suck. how we could never get it to fit right on her face. she was one sentence short of me "accidentally" breaking her trifocal glasses. i told her that its completely normal for people to have a lopsided head and crooked ears and that its not rocket science to do this shit. i fucking hate people like that. if you hate us so much why the fuck do you keep coming back to us? i don't understand. if you like lens crafters so much THEN FUCKING GO THERE. WHY ARE YOU HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRE?? REALLY. I don't understand.

i baked some cookies. they smelled so orgasmic. i couldn't wait the 5 minutes that was asked for them to cool off. being the eager eater that i was i picked at one and ate it anyways. now my tongue is burnt.

i get to see many lovers tomorrow night. after work. yardhouse. be there or you suck. <3

more nonsense

i guess im going to boston in a few weeks to visit. my mom says that i should bring a friend or two or three or four because there's an empty condo that we can use and play in. i looked up roundtrip fares. i think its insanely ridiculous that it costs double the price if you fly out from SNA vs. LAX.

co was kinda of fun kind of not. cramped and crowded. mini family reunion. went to keystone. the mountain was basically right across the bridge from the condo. my sister had a bloody nose during her snowboarding lesson. my dad ofcourse was right there watching her. she didn't have enough tissues. so what did he do? he walked back to the condo and grabbed an entire kleenex box and put it in his jacket. duh, ofcourse. i would've done the same thing. not. my dad thinks we're fragile creatures. oh dad. if you only knew what went on. <3 if only you knew.

i felt weird there. i think i only saw one other asian person during my stay there. uncomfortable. not exactly the most diverse state. lets just say both christine and i were extremely GLAD to be back in our diversed asian infested, catered, superficial world called irvine.

i was told that people go thru happy and sad phases in their lives. happy as kids. miserable / unhappy as adults. then happy again as we reach the middle years. hm. a parabolic trend effect i guess. i thought about it. dude, i was fucking miserable as a kid. elementary was hell. jr high was semi hell. hs was just awkward - but getting better. college was a toss up - neutral / miserable; unstable i would say. post college: loving it. knock on wood. hopefully this isn't the high point in my life.

i had the most amazing crabcakes ever i think a week or so ago. gulfstream i think was the place. seriously. i kid you folks not.

i banged my fat toes pretty hard bc my boots where too small from whistler. the right one is about to fall off. its hanging on precariously. its multicolored. so i covered it up with red nail polish. yea. don't say it. i know im suave.

i visited my parents. it was a mini family reunion. kind of fun kind of not. everyone was cramped. my little niece cracks me up. shes 2. <3. i felt weird in co. its not exactly the most diverse state. obviously.

breather.

whistler was amazing. indescribable. 2010 olympics there. so much fun i've had in a while. i tried skiing. my legs could pass for domestic abuse. skiing was much easier than boarding i must admit but i still like boarding better. a run takes about an hour to get down. :] trip this thursday to coloradoooooooo. yesterday was another commercial holiday that i still have not surrendered to yet. first valentines day in a while wo any crazy drama. :] aunt flow is visitng me more and more often now a days. every 3. talk about being regular. very regular. TJs has these to die for mochi ice cream ball things. green tea is the best. for two balls its 210 cals. i said fuck it and ate 4 leaving 2 left for the sister. i know im thoughtful.

christine called me yesterday. you have to understand. my sister has a phone but doesn't exactly use it when it comes to calling me or picking up my calls. anyways out of the blue she calls me to tell me she ran out of gas. i sighed and asked where she was. she was at the student center parking lot - the parking ushers helped push her car there. i hope she learned her lesson. to make sure that she was going to get gas after i purposely fed her with just one gallon . HAHAHAHA. WHAT! she relies on me to do to much. i did it out of love.

anyways. i should get ready for another gym session. project sexy try #345678987654324567 is underway. im such a loser. not.

in a nutshell

friday was pizza night. saw hostel. disgusting and disturbing. pitt looks hot in fight club. saw my lovers on sunday. grabbed some gas causing delicious lox bagels before burke williams. burke williams felt amazing. june and ash appointed me with a male therapist so that i could get the full experience at burke. hahaha. we caught up on our busy seperate lives. i told ashley i tripped down the steps in the jacuzzi and splashed everyone. all she said was "omg! really? wow. how embarassing!" <3

came back and caught 4th qaurter of the game. what a low scoring game. my brady lost.

yada

i think i'm going to be living in norcal by the end of this year.

i was running errands on thurs and happened to be in bolsa. there was this one really good nuoc mia place that chris took me to. i was so thirsty. haha. for the life of me i couldn't remember where. i texted him for directions. by the time i got directions i already left. that was the extent of my conversation with him. when i sit and think about it, a part of me does miss him. i guess i could have tried more. that's what i say now, but i don't think i would've wanted to continue what we were doing. i remember being excited that he was coming home finally after summer school but then i knew that was only temporary. maybe it was just me. maybe i just gave up that easily bc i told myself to get over it. oh well. i don't talk to him nor seen him. i think he's doing well. i hope hes doing well. eh he's probably better off than being with a "dead fish gf."

anywayyyyyyyys. im going to go to spaghetti factory right now. :]

misc.

what a longggg weekend. forgot what i did friday. sat i had work then went to a wedding. i felt tension. weird and awkward. all at the same time pretty funny. sunday i watched the patriots and chargers game. brady. hott. watched the last half at bjs. then went shopping for knick knacks to stage the house. got back to the house and strategically placed the misc things. finished the night with in n out. i just finished cleaning everything around my house bc the sister doesn't do crap. im listening to the dryer cycle and thinking what i need to do next.

i went to the mall for a quick get and on the way out it was raining. i started to walk faster not realizing that it was as slippery as it was. i did the waddling arms maneuver and plopped on my ass. i looked back to see if anyone saw. no one. :] i put on my hood and just ran to my car with a chuckle.