my big toe is slowly growing back. when people say you look tired they really mean you look like crap. i still can't find my coach keychain wallet i had a bunch of gift cards in there. i feel so detached from the world as if my connections are slowly getting severed. im ready to go back to school. life outside of school kind of sucks. it has its perks but you're in the working world by yourself. the social life is different. i don't think there's much of a social life. i've discovered leona lewis. she sounds very 90's ish. i like her. mellow. but her songs are sad. i want to go see a movie but i have no idea what movies are out. actually im just waiting for sex and the city to come out.

i've been ignoring my dad's phone calls. i haven't called him back. the last time i talked to him, he was preaching how bad it was that i missed that one day of mass on sunday. i didn't even listen to his entire lecture. i just handed the phone back to my mom. the world of hypocracy. i hate it when people preach about the bible and god to you. i hate listening to those that preach the word so highly. often times i see that they are the ones that are hypocrites of their own words. i believe in a higher power. i believe in god. i just don't believe in the people who preach it. they are merely insignificant eyes taking a peek into your lives, and based on the minuscule amount that they are exposed to they formulate their own suspicions about you. people need to worry about themselves first. don't be a nosey ass looking in and tell people what they should be doing and how they should be living their lives to be sin free. disgusting. disgrace. distasteful. disappointing.

i blame my superficial insecurity disorder on her.
i've been really lazy about taking my fiber multivitamin and calcium pills.
music is my life. music is my escape. i take my mini ipod everywhere.

im not a communicator. its really hard for me to express my feelings. im always apathetic. at least i appear to be apathetic. its not a good thing. no one ever knows what im thinking. that's what im told. "i'll be ok. don't worry." that's all i say. its so hard for me. sometimes i feel something but i can't get myself to just say it. what a dumbass. speak up i tell myself. but all that comes out is long sigh. air. nothing. chances lost. opportunities passes by and im stuck. all bc i choked. i choke. the end.

so this world is all about who you know, not what you know. networking. connections. the more people you know the better. all of that venting about how much i hate optometry basically was a waste. ha. im negotiating a deal with my doctor. i'll be entering od class 2009 of scco. there you have it. final decision. ms walking indecisive hypocrite has finally made a decision.

i watched i am legend again. good movie. will smith is one buff man.

i was forced on a shopping spree today. he said not to worry and he'll do everything. he did a pretty good job i must say at picking stuff out. cute.

one life. one set of parents. second chances are rare. be nice. no regrets. none.

i was told that your password says alot about you. hm. maybe. i do recall my password was "richard" my elementary crush. man. he was cute. i think he was half italian half german. it was my password to my own account on the home computer. i remmeber my sister playing a game of "guess my passwod." little did i know that bc she had access to all of the accounts she already knew my pw. when she guessed my pw : richard, i got all red and denied it. what a bitch.

i can't find my small coach keychain wallet.

happy easter.

boston.

i had an interview in boston. i went with my mother. i had no choice.

boston. i could see myself potentially there. but i wouldn't like it. its a completely different lifestyle there. no car. t-line all the time. everything is expensive. the food is gross. i won't know a single soul. wet. extremely cold. it was 5 degrees Celsius when i was there and was considered warm to them. when it rains boy it rains all day. the school is really small. probably the size of 2.5 pslh's. it used to be a house for rich people back in the day. there's no campus for the school. china town is more like china block.

my mom talks alot. i tune her out 60% of the time. 5% of what she says is of substance and 90% is of pure jabs at me. but i wouldn't know bc i only listen to her 40% of the time right? there's so much animosity between her and i. personality conflict. she made me run an errand with her right after the airport. her mouth was ridiculous in the car. i couldn't wait to drop her off at home. i just wanted to runaway from home.

i hate optometry. i hate anything medical. bio degree = waste.

norcal is freaking cold. it felt like a 10 degree difference. im socal weak sauce. haa.

came back yesterday at around 2. my mom was happy to see me. she wanted boots. so she dragged me out shopping for her boots. we had dinner with her. saw no country for old men. as usual fell asleep. went to bed. in the middle of the night had chills followed by a fever. i was forced to call in sick in the morning. thank god i got the answering machine. the doc called me back and left a voicemail: MICHELLE. DR. D HERE. CALL ME BACK! hahaha. i didn't call him back. i don't care i want him to fire me. his wife is a psychologist. she started analyzing everything that was coming out of my mouth. I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU LADY BUT I HAVE WORK TO DO. i hate working for male doctors. they're fucking anal about stupid shit. i hate workk.

i was a grouch bc i didn't get my caffeine today. this lack of caffeine led to a series of events. one of which started with me deciding that i was going to play hooky today. i called in sick. the doc is a douche bag. i don't care that things are piling up at work. its not my fault that you had other priorities set. you didn't set up the accounts jerk ball. so he ended the conversation asking me "so when will i see you next?" monday was my answer. "fine. i can't believe that we finally have everything and you can't come in" douche bag i maybe. but i dont' give a fuck. its his fault. i decided that i needed to go shopping. i had not gone shopping in a long time. jeans! :] 2 pairs. its hard to fit my fatass into jeans. a lack of caffeine ultimately made me broke. ha.

sj tomorrow morning. i hope it'll be fun.

i realized that i get bored with things really easily. which thus led me to realize that i get bored with guys easily. its not something that you realize at that moment. which thus led me to realize that i need a versatile non mundane job. good luck ms. i don't know what the fuck im doing.

i hate cheapasses. period.

so everything is almost finalized at work for the new doc to takeover. i think its weird that he hasn't met any of the employees except for me. he wants to keep only me. he wants me to work FT and train his wife that will be there most of the time when she's not seeing her any of her own pts at her psych office. right. goodluck. i said i can only do that for the next month or two. i lied. he's anal. conservative. old fashoined. i mean c'mon who the fuck prescribes gas perms any more? who the hell wants to pay 500 bucks for yearly lenses? he says he hates soft lenses. uhm. no comment. again goodluck.

everything is up in the air right now. if i was a person outside looking in i would say "HOW EXCITING!" but i can tell you its not.

my parents are fucking complicated. they magnified everything by 10. no. make that 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.

my dad tried to be cheap. his cheapness ended up costing him probably 300 extra; good job dad.

yesterday was errand day. got the echocardiogram. got the 24 hr container. made all of my postponed dr. appts for next thurs. deposited my check finally into a starving bank account. found some interview clothes. i hate interview clothes. going on a bussiness travel next weekend. whatever that means. boston the following week. then ny. im past due my hair laser removal tx.

a lady came in and asked me to fix her glasses. she was older. 60 i want to say. she literally was breathing and talking over my shoulder in the back as i was trying to fix her glasses. the enitre time she was complaining how she can't believe we werent certified to do this. no wonder we suck. how we could never get it to fit right on her face. she was one sentence short of me "accidentally" breaking her trifocal glasses. i told her that its completely normal for people to have a lopsided head and crooked ears and that its not rocket science to do this shit. i fucking hate people like that. if you hate us so much why the fuck do you keep coming back to us? i don't understand. if you like lens crafters so much THEN FUCKING GO THERE. WHY ARE YOU HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRE?? REALLY. I don't understand.